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| 2006-05-16 23:05 |
| The End? |
| Public |
 funny |
| XM Radio- Video Game Scores- FFX- The Skies Above |
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The internet on my laptop gave out. That's my luck with electronics, they just decide to quit. Well, I'm not going to be online much for quite a while, so I figure I'm giving up on LJ for now. I should have long, long ago, but something kept telling me to come back and type more. Oh well, I say, it's just a silly little place for my thoughts; so here go a few more, with important crap omitted for sake of me never being clear when no questions are asked.
I'd never woken up with a headache before. Makes a day crappy.
Sometimes it's better to not say anything.
Sometimes it hurts to not say anything.
I was right, this is my most stressful semester yet.
I think there must be a switch in my brain.
Up switch: stronger, steady, calm, cool, happy, relaxed, able to speak and laugh
Down switch: fragile, unstable, freaked, flush, depressed, tense, unwilling to speak or make a noise.
Laying on cold tile can help one relax when feeling ready to burst. A purring cat helps too.
Doing 200 pages in a sketch book in one week is never fun. You'd have thought I'd have learned from the first class I had with the same teacher, but no, I didn't.
Never argue about who has the most work to do. It's stupid and pointless.
Switch up. Switch down. Switch up. Switch down. Switch up...~~~~~
When I think about it, it all makes sense. Even from the beginning, when I couldn't have guessed about how it'd be in the future, I still felt the same. I knew somehow. Somehow...I just knew it back then. I'm a lot different now, and I'm teaching myself to be that person I put into my characters. I'll always know.
I've written so many things on lined paper now. It's pretty much the same, so I'll keep it that way for now.
Random Thought of the Moment:
No time to think.
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Sometimes, when you're the most afraid, the best things on Earth can happen. All that building up of stress and fear, and in one instant *poof* gone; and I had a good time for the rest of the night o.o Even today, I was all happy and giddy, like a huge weight was lifted off of my heart. I was even joking around without any kind of malice toward myself; it was...awesome!
I'm also happy because I got an early birthday present from Usa; the Official Breath of Fire Artbook ^///^ I don't think I deserved it, but she wanted to get it for me before Kinokunya ran out of them. Oh, how much I love BoF. It was the first art style I ever tried to emulate, and the coloring is so great. I'm going to do some fan art pieces; partly because I want to, but also because I owe Usa my soul and she requested pictures of BoFI Ryu, BoFIII Rei, and BoFIV Cray. How could I refuse ^^
Random Thought of the Moment:
Now, to hang out and draw more. Life's damn great!
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I changed my IM name. Don't know why, really. I'm probably going to change my e-mail too. It'll just all be under Madame Dei. It's easier that way, and I won't have so much spam and stuff. So if anyone wants the new names...just ask I guess (even tough technically I just said them).
I'm feeling listless. I'll end up cleaning tomorrow or something. I need to have some fun, but I'm afraid that I have no idea what that means anymore. I just want to be myself, but I don't think anyone really "gets" it. I'm babbling again.
Random Thought of the Moment:
Wanna draw some shoujo-ai, la la la I'm sad la la la ^^
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Well, I conquered my essay and I was just glad I learned something. Now, I just need to find some solutions to the causes I looked up, and life'll be good. Is there such things as fears of phobias? If so, I have a phobia-phobia right now.
I had my first bottle of beer yesterday. I feel like a dork saying that, but yes, I had a Corona with lime, and it was good; well, I warmed up to it at least, though it took me an hour and a half to finish it. Hahaha I'm a lightweight.
Got two pages with no text yet done yesterday. Deleter sucks royally with text, so maybe I'll get the pages done and ask to use someone else's program to do the word bubbles. Assuming of course someone will let me *doesn't hold breath*
I've got to do something for a cover page, but I'm out of ideas. I find that it's easy for me to draw any characters right now, as long as they have nothing to do with the manga I'm working on. I'm trying to do a page with all the characters on it in one big group. Turns out the manga has 36, +the Beast-Gods (12), +background characters or any others I come up with like the Earth Dragon mercenary band, the Cat king, mages at the academe, the other Dogs of Usa's, and stuff like that. Man, it's a good thing most of them are developed as characters already, or I'd kill myself for making life difficult for myself and Usa. I love them all too much to exclude them. It'll be like Suikoden, where there's too many to keep track of without a guide ^^ yay!
I should be doing my weekly ritual of cleaning my entire house...but I'm too lazy and sick feeling to care.
Random Thought of the Moment:
Watched Pete and Pete yesterday. I realized exactly how much I miss that show. I wish they made shows like that now a days.
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I've been neglecting lj. Not that I feel bad about it, really, in fact I realize that it makes little difference. I might just say "hell with it", but then I'd just be giving up some more. feh.
It's been a while since I did a nice self portrait poem, but I'm rather proud of the one I put on deviant art. Looking back, though, it sounds really sad...
I found out that I like Ramstein, and I can understand some of their lyrics.
I wish people seemed more enthused about Usa's birthday. I feel bad because I couldn't really plan anything...
I wanna kick Ryan in the shin sometimes. Repeatedly.
So much homework that I can't work on the manga. Yeah, I'm complaining again, but maybe if I make myself feel worse about it, I'll just stay up for a few days to do something.
For some reason, I almost want a bad reaction, if only to get some sort of reaction or intrest in the first place.
I ponder whether a specific person is doing something for me just to get on my good side or something. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's something else entirely. I wonder...
Artists aren't necessarily good at photography. I'm living proof of the miss-correlation.
Gotta make the best of what I've got.
 | You scored as Black wolf. You are a black wolf. Strong and silent. you ten to hang by yourself and not depend on others. Your just a lone wolf in a crowd of hunters.
Black wolf | | 85% | Grey wolf | | 75% | white wolf | | 65% | Silver wolf | | 60% | Blue wolf | | 55% | red wolf | | 50% | brown wolf | | 45% | yellow wolf | | 5% | </td>
what color wolf are you?
created with QuizFarm.com |
Random Thought of the Moment: I hope I have another dream like I did last night. In my dreams, I get to play the protector; the hero.
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| 2006-04-14 12:01 |
| (no subject) |
| Public |
 busy, or at least, I should be |
| Weezer- Perfect Situation (must download it @.@) |
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I don't post lyrics often, but I just felt like it right now.
Weezer
"Perfect Situation"
What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
Hungry nights, once again
Now it's getting unbelievable.
'Cause I could not have it better,
But I just can't get no play
From the girls, all around
As they search the night for someone to hold onto.
And I just pass through...
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.
Oh..!!
[solo]
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Random Thought of the Moment:
I love my new necklace. If I keep messing with it though, it's going to break. Hot Topic jewelry breaks pretty easily, even now that they've doubled the prices. Cheap bastards, but at least I have the necklace I'd been looking at for a couple years probably. ^^ It makes me feel special (most likely, special in the head, yay!)
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Every now and then I have an uplifting post. That's what this is.
Anyway, while in the midst of not caring to finish my Photo project, I was sitting with Ryan while he ranted on and on about this that and the other (with me adding in very little *shrug*) and his friend, Eric came up and sat at our table. Man, some of the conversation that ensued was the fricken funniest stuff I'd ever heard or said. It's amazing. Get a couple of guys together and, well, someone like me, and the innuendos start flying everywhere. Other parts of the conversation included making fun of pirates, discussing certain D&D aspects, talking about a certain guy and how he can't keep any detail of anything he does to himself (and I mean anything *cries*), and making up scenarios for the picture Ryan was finishing for art class (It was like Redcoat Britain, mixed with the original Star Trek...sweet). Man, I need to hang out with the guys more often, which is great, because D&D Sundays are going to start up again (Minus Craig, yay). I'm just so damn glad not to be like the girl sitting at the table across from us who was trying desperately to keep the guy at her table's attention; achieving this by squeezing her enormous endowments together while they looked like they were going to pop out. She sounded like a complete idiot too; hey I caught sound bits, they were right next to us.
Oh yeah, my dream. We were running away from something or someone (not sure who, but it didn't seem dire or anything) and I was trying to protect someone else (no clue who). A bunch of people were in my dream so that I can't think of naming everyone, except Usa and Ryan who were always in the background. Anyway at one point we were at an Italian restaurant like the one in San Diego were the pasta and food just keeps coming. I just remember two freaky cute twin little girls (like in horror movies) that were serving the bread, oh, and the table was made out of an old stove top and burners. After that we went to Avery's apartment, which was very nice, and for some reason included three toilets, only one of which was in a bathroom. That's when Brian came in from the back door. We all left, and I forgot my jacket with my wallet in it at Avery's. So we all headed out to Julie's house, which apparently was a wooden, log cabin-ish house in the middle of construction scaffolding in the middle of a forrest. After hiding out there and petting Lizzie, we went outside and I saw Eric holding a replica of Julie's house (or his house, as I thought then) that was made entirely out of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. He had to leave, carrying the cake off into the forrest and that's when my alarm woke me up.
Ah a funny ending to a funny day.
Random Thought of the Moment:
One of the funniest scenes from Robot Chicken keep playing in my head. A guy shaking a computer screen, screaming, "GIVE ME THE BOOBIES!" Ah, priceless.
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I'm finding comfort in the pages of books. It's how I lived my life from the time I moved from Riverside in 4th grade until sometime in the middle of my senior year in high school, at which point I actually found a life. I still love to read, though; that could never dissipate. I find myself pulling back from life, away from people. It makes me feel sad, but being overlooked does too. I need to change something but courage is always found when I'm looking back, and not when I'm looking ahead. Anyone who even jokes about this being the easier path *coughkeelycough* should take a good long read sometime. Feh, what am I even saying half the time.
Random Thought of the Moment:
I love wild rabbits.
I love that injured rabbit.
I gave that rabbit a name.
I see him almost every day.
I hope that he lives.
That somehow he'll recover.
He's given me peace.
So I pray for peace for him.
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My soul's somewhere else, somewhere so far away, I wonder if I'll ever catch up. I want to grab it, pin it down, and tell it that it's not that easy and to stop wishing. My head knows what I'm trying to say, but maybe that's because it just wants to find a reason to despair. These books seem to be my only salvation in this, 'cause there's no way to talk about it without holding back so much. It's building up until I feel like I'm about to burst through my seams of reality. I don't want to hide, but not hiding feels like a task I just can't do. I isolate myself, I know that, but it's better than what I figure things would turn out if I didn't. I should just stop bitching, I know, but I guess I can't bitch elsewhere, so why not here.
At least I got my Psychology topic picked; society and how it contributes to homophobia. And it turns out that I didn't miss psychology on Monday because my teacher was sick anyway. Sometimes I just really get lucky.
Finished 2 and 3 today with everything but the title, which I'll add when I actually design it. Better just keep moving and leave the little touches and things 'til later. *sigh* only on page 4...and I need to finish the Suikoden dog tags that I promised myself I would do.
Random Thought of the Moment:
I feel like eating a whole lotta chocolate, but there's none in the house T.T
Madame Dei is sad now.
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Skipped classes today. It felt pretty good to just use the day to relax...and work fervently on pages 2 and 3. I'm getting the hang of it a bit more, but with the detail I want, I'll never be satisfied ^^ haha oh well, so goes it.
I wish I could skip tomorrow, but I have a test in Photo (which I should be studying for right now o.o) and an essay test in English. I'm not stressing, but somehow I get the feeling I should be. I feel kind of bad that most people in my classes are always freaking out when it comes to test time, and I just end up doing it as fast as I can, turning it in first, and getting a decent (sometimes more than decent) grade. It's not even that I'm really that smart, guess I was just blessed with a total lack of test anxiety.
I meant to write a ranting about society and one of it's/their stupid views; but I'll save that, even if no one feels like reading it.
Random Thought of the Moment:
I can't get the song "Perfect Situation" by Weezer out of my head. I don't usually like their songs, but this one sticks with me every time I hear it, and I just have to sing along; and I'm hearing it everywhere. It's like it following me and making me think. Why? *shrug* Just feels like there's some reason.
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Man, this weekend was long. I'd say it was a very nice trip to San Diego. Good food, good people, good atmosphere, good museums, good shopping, good sights, and good sounds (can't say much about the smells though.) Okay, so not every aspect went altogether what I'd call 'grand' but I'm willing to just look at the good parts right now.
I got a couple of books that I think will help me tremendously. I want to stay up and read them right now, but it's already 1:00 am isn't it? Stupid time change. I did some research when I got home after fighting off another stress headache. The only part about research that I don't like is that no matter how much I can know about something, there are always parts to it I can't learn by reading books and internet sites. I'm a lot closer to understanding and dealing with one research topic, but the other one continues to elude, taunt, and all around throw my mind into loops. Man, that reminds me that I have to pick a research topic for my Sociology class. Guess I may as well pick the one I'm making progress and tweak it a bit to focus on the problems it deals with in society. Easy enough I suppose.
At least I decided to skip my 8:00am class tomorrow. I'm determined to get up early so I can finish page two 'cause I only worked a few hours on it this weekend. I think I'll read a bit anyway. Maybe there'll be a story in my book that I can fall asleep peacefully to.
Random Thought of the Moment:
I wonder if any of this can even be comprehensible to anyone. I kind of doubt it.
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( Stolen from a friend )
I'm fairly confident that these kinds of quizzes/surveys are too long for most anyone to bother reading my answers; unless they haven't taken it yet and they happen to see them as they erase them for their own answers. I'm always surprised though, at how much I don't know about people when I've read others' answers. I guess the statements/questions that don't really matter are in there just so the ones that really mean something don't stand out quite as much like the beacons they are.
10 out of 15 pages drawn and inked
1 1/2 pages toned and completed
31 days left
Time is running out. Gods help me.
Random Thought of the Moment:
How is it that everyone else has time to draw and color other things while working on their comics? I haven't drawn anything but a couple of rough sketches that I haven't been able to even put clothes on for the last 2 1/2 weeks now. Why is it then, that the ideas keep coming to plague me?
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What type of Fae are you?
Random Thought of the Moment:
Long day. Sometimes I'm really glad that there's an end to it.
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As far as my last couple of entries go, I'm feeling a bit better at least. Just hard to deal sometimes. Whatever.
I got a deviant art account. I'm surpirsed though, I got quite a few comments just after posting stuff. It's kinda cool looking at all the different people's artwork.
Working on my comic. I don't think toning it is going to be anything like easy, but I'm going to see how many I can get done during this week off. I may have to only do 10 pages for the deadline. Don't know how that'll go over, but I'll keep plugging away.
Right now I'm trying to create a banner to link to SDT from DeviArt. It's hard to do the font in Deleter, but it's not too bad.
Random Thought of the Moment:
"Spank My Monkey"
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( My thoughts. My Day. )
Random Thought of the Moment:
I wonder if these migraines mean there's something seriously wrong.
They never used to be so bad.
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Black feathers fall listlessly upon the freshly fallen snow.
Too fragile even to such a soft landing, the white gives slightly to the dark.
A call echos through the now still scene; a shadow of regret.
It waits to hear the response, the air heavy with nothingness.
The only answer is of feathers fallen on snow.
Their song echos only in the heart.
The only way to know they are even really there at all.
Again, a call.
So far gone it is now, even carried by the wind.
That same wind buries the foreign darkness.
Who is to say that they existed at all now?
Not even a trace in the heart is left.
Silence replaces the call.
And all is white.
Random Thought of the Moment:
Flying and falling are very similar.
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Got them all inked! HooHaaa! A couple of them need some tweaking, but they're not bad. Only thing is, I figure these were easier because I'd done them all partially before. Now I get to work on the ones I've only thumb-nailed. I'll at least have more interest in them; I'll finally get to draw more than just Larnom and Botemir who're so much alike that it's like just having one character.
As far as school work goes, I'm nearly finished with my freaky Tengu picture. I don't know why, but I decided to do it in oil pastel. You think I'd have realized how hard it would be to get done in just one day, but I put it off 'til today anyway. Oh well, yesterday at the tea house was fun, even if I'm still a bit miffed about the situation.
Long week past, long week ahead, then it's all spring break. I'm determined to keep myself busy then too, but maybe I'll get sleep at the least.
I'm itching to put stuff up on the site. At last, another colored piece. Too bad it's just a random one again. I'll never put up a good Larnom *laughs*
Random Thought of the Moment:
Soft winds blow stark black feathers through freshly fallen snow.
Loneliness calls.
And waits for an answer.
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I penciled 3 pages today, if I can ink them, I'll meet my quota. Pfew, feels good to be productive.
My parents are making me go to the doctor tomorrow. I don't know what feels worse, the fact that I'm actually not feeling too sick at the moment, or that my dad said that I have to have "mommy hold my hand" ><###
I'm doing an art project with Tengu. It's a weird concept, but I'm gonna have some fun finishing it ^^
Random Thought of the Moment:
piwafwi
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I hate it when I'm being discussed...or in this case argued about, and I can hear every word. Rejoice, I'm an unemployed slacker, who can't find time to go to the doctor, and who is burdensome to keep around.
Whatever, now for the positive. Usa, Ryan and I get to put up some of our work in one of the glass cases at school. Man, am I ever glad that I have Victor for art again this semester; he's always been so damn nice.
Two days and I've gotten one penciled page done. Somehow I need to sleep less or something to find the time to reach my quota of 5 inked pages done by Sunday. Maybe it's unrealistic, but if I can manage it, I'll have plenty of time to do the text and screen toning for the remaining stretch 'til the deadline.
At least my English class is as easy as 7th grade all over again; only less classwork.
I shouldn't be finding time to read a book right now, but it's actually really good. No one can top R.A.Salvatore when it comes to Drizzt and drow, but this other author isn't too shabby. It's a woman for one thing, and for another, the main character is a female drow. Besides Harry Potter, I can't remember the last novel I read that a woman wrote, and I don't think I've ever read one with a woman protagonist. Finally it's one where the girl doesn't spend the whole time basically chanting "I'm a girl, but look what I can do! I'm as good as a man!" If there turns out to be a few more good battle scenes in it, I might make a new habit of it.
Random Thought of the Moment:
Got my first Photo project back today, and all the sticky note said on it was "Pretty Good Job" and then an "X". Uh...I guess that's good...but what the hell grade is an "X"!?!
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| 2006-03-12 23:19 |
| (no subject) |
| Public |
 light |
| Garden of Dying Light-HIM |
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( Stolen from Julie, who stole it from Kali: )
Anyway, I'm feeling at least partially productive. I used my algebra skills to calculate the margins I need for my manga so I can start redoing my pages and actually finish them. I've only got a month and a half to get 15 pages done now so someone out there whip me within an inch of my life until I do it.
I think it might be weird that I get so much satisfaction out of calculating all those numbers, or at least, weird for an artist. Naw, never mind, I'm just weird.
Random Thought of the Moment:
I want to fall asleep to music
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
la-de-freakin'-da
spiral
bunny...
Time bomb keeps on tickin'
bouncy
apathetic
torn